teachingpeace | IC Contact

[Kushina was known for being a fearless woman. Bullies who picked on her were beat down without mercy. Becoming the Kyuubi jinchuriki, while she was speechless, she accepted and believed in herself that she could handle it. Fighting in wars for most of her life and facing enemies, she had even let some people go home back to their families when she gave them a choice and came back home with a strong mind along with a stronger heart.

That's why she stands at the door of the killer of Jiraiya-sensei, after the fake life, to get some things straight. To talk. To figure out what in the world happened that made such a nice person make such a horrible mistake.

She knocks loudly at the door, firmly, and then waits with a deep breath for her older brother... or someone like it to answer the door.]

[He could sense her. He could tell who she was without opening the door, and it had his hesitating, staring at the wood for a long moment before he finally bolstered himself, reminding himself he'd wanted to talk to her, had even told Naruto to tell her so... so there was no point in pretending he wasn't going to answer.

Finally, he opened the door, tilting his head down and looking at her through the fringe of his hair. His voice was very soft. Nervous.]

Kushina.

[She's lifting her hand to knock again, this time impatiently, when it swings open and reveals Nagato's face. She jerks back in surprise and a flood of memories that aren't real but FEEL real hit her straight on. Of the two of them growing up together, all the bickering, all the toy peppers, his return gift of hair accessories, thepranks, and then the barbecue. She's not sure why but telling him she loves him sticks out the most because that was her.

That wasn't fake memories. The only people she had said that to was Minato and Naruto.

She tries to smile at him and it is genuine but it's a little cautious, too. And a little sad.]

Hey, Nagato. We have to talk. Do you have a minute?

[It's, if anything, harder to look at her with the moment of recognition, because he felt it too, and it just made him feel worse about the entire Sensei situation. Instead of making her stand in the hall, he moved back and opened the door wider.]

I do. I know why we liked the name Yahiko now, by the way. [It wasn't exactly a wonderful icebreaker... but it was the best he had, and the first to come to mind.]

[She walks inside, kicking off her shoes because that's polite and that's what she would want someone to do if they were coming into her house. They're set off to the side and out of the way and the floor is a bit cold on her feet.]

I still like Menma.

[She says it offhand and looks around his home, having not been there before she wants a good look. Once she gets a enough one she levels her gaze back on Nagato. He's just as anxious about this as she is, so she relaxes a little and closes the door behind her.

The talk is going to take a lot longer than a minute.]

I thought it was because it sounded boyish, so it was fitting for a boy.

[He shifted on his feet, restless and unsure what to do with his thoughts, with her, and he shook his head, making his way over to sit and waving her to pick a seat too before he clasped his hands before him.

If not for the memories he wouldn't have decided to share this, but he was going to do it, and he stared down at his fingers.]

No. Yahiko was... my best friend. Before he killed himself. To save Konan. He was just like Naruto, actually. They believed the same things.

[As if on instinct (or as if she doesn't doesn't really care about proximity) she picks the spot next to him and leans forward a bit as she listens.

There's a sharp intake of breath and her hand twitches, as if to reach for his. She only keeps it still by gripping her pants.]

... It's a strong name. [If only for a strong person who gave their life to save another.]

Listen, I wanted to talk about everything. I want to listen from your perspective why you did everything you did. That's the least I can do, after this past week. I've tried to make sense of it. How can such a nice person who cared so much do that to his sensei? I know Naruto really trusts you and I believe in him, but I need to hear it for myself.

There has to be something you said to Naruto and I want to hear it too. Not from him and not from anyone else. From you.

Tell me your story.

[He heard the noise, looking sideways at her for a moment... then looking away again. Then he righted himself, hair effectively hiding his expression, and his voice staying soft.]

That... is in the middle of the story, actually. A very important part of the story. The lead up to it is important too.

You see, when I still had parents, I was only five. And then... Konoha shinobi killed them thinking they were the enemy when they were just... trying to defend the house, me. I killed them. [A hand lifted, touching the corner of his eyes.]

But I don't... remember doing it. It's a blank to me, but I know I did it, as there was no one else there who could have. After that, I was alone for a while, finding a dog who I named Chibi, a dog that unfortunately ended up killed later on, a loss I took poorly.

However, before that, I was wandering for weeks, nearly starving to death until Konan and Yahiko found me. It made things harder on them, easier on me, and I would have died without them.

[It was clear he'd started to lose himself in the story he was telling, as there was a slightly different quality in his tone, even if he wasn't looking at her.]

And we were like that, just the three of us, for a year, maybe two, maybe three. Sometimes it's hard to tell how long time has passed in Ame. The only season is wet or colder wet, after all, which was why I was nearly starving in the first place. Nothing wants to grow in those conditions.

But... Jiraiya found us. Or rather, we found them. Him and his teammates. Orochimaru actually offered to kill us. He didn't, obviously, but the look on his face when he came to Akatsuki after leaving Konoha... that was a good day.

Sensei is why he didn't though. He stepped in, offered to take care of us. We were understandably suspicious, at first. [His hand lowered back to his lap, and he lifted his chin as he clasped his hands tightly together.] But he didn't do anything terrible to us, even if he didn't intend to teach us anything... that came later, after an attack where things went badly and we could have lost someone.

And we learned. We were good students, fast learners. We made him proud of us... and Sensei taught me something I didn't understand at all for a long time. That the only way anyone will understand each other is to know the pain of the person they're trying to understand. Because that's the only way to grow, to be an adult, to be strong...

And I failed him. It wasn't immediate though. When he left us, we did it right. Yahiko led us, and we formed Akatsuki to fight Hanzo, to topple the regime that made Ame an even more miserable place to live. We weren't winning. Looking back, I think Yahiko realized that where my blind faith in him, my willingness to follow, didn't let me see that we were falling further and further behind the curve in the desperation to free our country.

That brings me back to Yahiko, the bridge to peace that shattered, because he was a good man. You see, Hanzo had offered to meet us peacefully, to resolve things, and there was nothing we could do but go. And he betrayed us. Konoha shinobi helped him subdue our people and he got his hands on Konan personally, threatening her life... unless Yahiko died. He would only release her then.

[He spread his fingers out, his gaze dropping back to them as he stared at his hands.] I had a kunai out, and he threw himself on it.

I... broke. I see this now. I ended up leading the Akatsuki, and I destroyed Hanzo. I destroyed him, everyone he loved, everyone who supported him, everything. It was terrible, cruel, and I... felt it was justified. That those people had been directly responsible for my losses, for letting people fight on our lands and kill our people. For not protecting everyone who should have been under their care.

I didn't look like this. I'd kept Yahiko's body you see. I hid behind it. I looked through his eyes from afar and had his voice be mine in the village, seeing from afar like I was some god. It doesn't help that I could control the weather, could do things sensei had even been amazed by...

But I always let it rain. I used the rain as a shield, to protect Ame, to keep it safe... and somewhere along the way I bought into Madara's plan. He'd come to us, before Yahiko died. And after... it influenced my choices to some degree, the need to follow whatever end to peace I could find. I thought... maybe making everyone hurt as much as I did would make them stop fighting, though I see the mistake in that thinking now.

Naruto reminded me that that had never been what Yahiko would have wanted for me, for Ame, for everyone. I never mentioned the Madara thing to him, it seemed trivial when we spoke, considering what I'd just done to Konoha.

And... I'd felt Konoha had deserved it, at the time. They'd been the source of so much that had gone wrong for me, for my country... and Sensei was swept into that. I hadn't been willing to listen to him, when he tried to talk to me, to tell me that he hadn't known we were alive all this time...

Because I thought I was right and knew the way to make the world a better place, even if it was through terrible means. I wouldn't even listen to the person who taught me the lesson I was wrongfully following in the first place.

[His voice grew hushed then.]

It is not something I can undo any longer. That window passed, and I didn't take it. Many of my mistakes were willfully made and I take responsibility for them. I gave my life once, after hearing what Naruto had to tell me to fix some of them. But I had a country to lead, and I left that post as well. That... I can't fix so simply.

[And with that, he finally looked at her, aware that he probably should have done so far sooner.]

[Kushina listens attentively, her brow furrowed and her expression intense and biting the inside of her cheek so she doesn't interrupt. He had told her his story and now she had to take that with everything else.

Finally, she looks ahead, angry.]

It's never okay to kill anyone. War is a terrible thing. Which side is really the good one? I never knew. How many families lost a family member because of those wars? How many children lost a father or a mother? How many lost a husband or a wife?

Killing Jiraiya will never be right and I won't ever excuse you for it because like others you succumbed to the pain of war. How is killing another ever justified? What good would it ever do if we're just following the same cycle over and over in a never-ending river of death and suffering!

[Kushina seethes for a moment where she wants to punch something, then takes a deep breath, lets it out, and faces Nagato. She doesn't really give him a moment to explain any further as she carries on.]

You went through a lot of horrible things in your life but you're not the only one, Nagato. Pain won't make people understand each other and I don't really know what will. If Jiraiya-sensei and Minato couldn't figure it out, how in the world could I?

But I know this...

[A soft hand places itself on his knee and her eyes lock with Nagato's rinnegan. Her gaze doesn't waver, if anything it hardens if he turns to face her.]

I still want to be someone you can talk to, just like when I was your sister.

[He wanted to say something, to assure her that he knew he couldn't make it right, couldn't step back and just declare it all better because he saw it for the mistake it was. But he'd said enough, and he didn't try to cut across her, instead looking into her face.

He'd told her more than he'd told Naruto, but he wasn't sure he should mention that either. After all, Naruto had the overall... frame of what he'd told Kushina, but the details were different, colored in a way that was changed because he wasn't, currently, so fixated on trying to be right.

What he didn't expect though... was her offer to be there.

Somehow, even with the new memories, he hadn't expected her to do that, to even want to. He gave her a slightly quavering smile and broke eye contact, ducking his head as one hand came up to brush across his eyes. They were dry, but he was worried that might not hold.]

I- You really are a wonderful person Kushina, and Naruto is just like you.

[Her hand slips away from his knee as his eyes do, and she balls it into a fist in her lap.

She looks shocked at those words, figures she should be used to it now because a few people have said as such. Eventually a blush takes hold and she plucks at her wristband, frustrated.]

I'm not. He's much easier to get along with, I think. He's much more like his dad.

Minato said once that we're a family of shinobi. I'm doing this because I think if we just listen a bit more to others, try to do something more than just fight then maybe something else, something better will come from it. I don't know. It's worth a try.

And it wasn't all fake. Most of it was, it's true, but I think some of it was real too. [It's just hard to forget he's killed a lot of people. She stops and shoots him an awkward smile.]

You're the one supposed to be talking, not me.

I... have some memories of Minato, now, but I still mostly remember you, and Naruto... he's just like my friend Yahiko, in his ideals. And that follows what you just said, to listen and reach out with open hands.

[He lifted his chin, looking back to her face, and straightened up some, hesitating a moment before reaching to very lightly touch the back of her fisted hand.]

I wanted nothing more than to make that dream a reality, to bring peace to the world, and I fumbled it all horribly. So I gave that into Naruto's keeping, I fixed my last wrong, confident that he would be able to do what I was too weak to.

When I was revived, he'd grown by bounds Kushina, it was a staggering difference and he was so much more peaceful than when I met him the first time, stronger than even then. It was knowing that was the case that let me no longer be a danger and able to let go so I couldn't be used against anyone anymore in that battle. Even someone else trying to control my body hadn't been enough to overcome that for long.

And then I came here, healthier than I've been... in over a decade. I only looked like this again briefly during the fight with Naruto, the more recent one, but before that? I was a ruined thing, skeletal and having worn myself to the point where a simple jutsu was enough to kill me instead of me having enough that I might have lived through it. I tended to never go outside, never really slept, and it worried Konan terribly. But I was blind to what it did to me because my country and goals were more important, at the time.

I never truly thought of what they would do in the instance of my demise.

[He paused, then shook his head once, meeting her gaze.]

But the point, Kushina, is that when I've spoken to you, it's not been so different from speaking to him, though by now we've had an almost equal number of conversations as with him.

[As he touches her, she has the gut reaction to pull away but the continued speech keeps her there.

If Naruto's growth to Naruto was staggering then what was it to see a baby turn into a strong, young man. She knew it would happen, she had wished so hard to see him grow up and got that wish here in Luceti. Guilt still sits heavy in her gut, she had never gotten to tell Naruto how sorry she was yet, for everything.

Yet he grew into everything they could hope for, in a son. Sure, he was a bit of a brat when it came to chores and eating vegetables but he was still a teenager. Teenager as he was, even Nagato had seen his growth in a short time frame.

And now he's carrying everyone's dreams, Minato's and Kushina, Nagato's, Jiraiya's... and he's still standing tall. Still bickering with her and only getting a little off-balance by these experiments. Well, that's what she's here for. To keep him upright and moving forward and not to dwell too much.]

He did get his weird verbal quirks from me. [STILL MISSING THE POINT KUSHINA or she's just deflecting because she still hopes he's more like his dad. And she's stubborn as all get out.]

Konan is a nice girl. Try not to worry her so much anymore, Nagato. Take care of yourself. People make mistakes so don't give up on your dreams either if you still really want peace in this world. The thing about Luceti is it's good at giving us second chances. It's got some problems too like the Malnosso but you can't give up. If you do, I'm not sure we can be friends at all.

Just do it the right way, this time. Without killing anyone.

[He saw her twitch, but he only pulled his hand back when she stopped talking. For a moment, he wasn't sure what to say, but he finally just straightened his back and looked her in the eye. She might be stubborn, but he was more than capable of being stubborn as well.]

I intend to. First will be steps with those I haven't wronged, and then the steps with those I have. Or in your case, perhaps some I have first.

[And then he tried a smile himself, because being miserable never helped anything. Really, really never helped anything.]

Ah -- I don't like waiting.

[And there was a lot she had to say and ask. Sitting there idly and waiting for Nagato to come to her just wasn't going to happen. She was already about to burst before now.

Naruto definitely got the impatience from her, too.]

That much I do recall from recent events. [He paused, hesitant, watching her, then almost... fidgeted.]

How... accurate was that world? About you?

[Her expression turns a bit blank, defensive. She doesn't like talking about herself unless she has to.]

Not much. I married Minato and had Naruto, that much was still the same. But everything else?

[The history, her family, her home, being a jinchuriki]

I was still me, though. I don't think that will ever change even with a fake life.

That was what I was asking. [His tone was soft, and he looked away after a moment.]

That was someone I could have been, but never was, for me.

...

I've never been so boring in my life.

[He flashed her a slightly awkward smile.]

[There's a bit of a head tilt, brow furrowed.]

You weren't boring.

[The look that garnered wasn't convinced at all.]

Kushina, much as I might have wished not to be, I was. At the very least I thought I was, given how.... quickly I pounced on the idea of anything beyond my normal life.

I was one of the first ones out there scouting once people started getting rounded up. Without more than the barest glimmer of my real memories, the peaceful life I had was pushed to the side for the sake of a leader I've been. Ten years leading a destitute country seems to have far more influence than a seeming thirty five years of living peacefully.

Not everyone did the same.

Edited 2013-09-16 17:22 (UTC)

Like I said, you weren't boring. Being boring doesn't mean you have a simple life or that it's nothing like another person's life.

You weren't boring to me. And I can't think my life was boring either.

Do you think creating life was boring? It's a lot better than killing people!

Of course not. I didn't mean it like that at all. I didn't mean the life was boring Kushina. I... I want the life so much.

[He pressed his hand over his heart and dipped his head, trying to find the words to explain this properly.]

But who I was there... I was bland. I had no drive, and even the passion for history that I had seemed to falter in the face of a sense of more. Not of danger. Just... being needed for something important.

My accomplishments in that world, those memories, were all family, and I treasure that... but they're not accomplishments I've ever actually done. I've never raised a child. I've never married. I never had a sibling. I had Konan, Yahiko, and Sensei, and I was a leader, but a leader has to keep themselves held a little away if they want to be objective, so while I was so proud of what my people did in Ame... I wasn't exactly included in it.

[He stalled out, looking to his lap.]

I don't... believe I'm explaining this properly, am I?

Edited 2013-09-16 22:29 (UTC)

No.

[A sigh.]

You were important and you weren't boring. It was a fake life but it was still you. Your responsibilities were just different. Did you feel boring before you knew about the truth?

Or were you happy?

[That drew him up short, and he gave her a slightly wide eyed look, turning his head to do so.]

I... had my moments when I'd get frustrated knowing that I was boring the life out of various family or colleagues even, but... that does not mean I wasn't happy, no.

[She remembers. Sort of. It's fake but the memory is there. Some of it is fading over time but those feelings don't.]

But that doesn't mean you're boring.

I don't see how anybody can be. We're all different people with likes and dislikes, different experiences. We're the same that way, I guess. And some of us might not get along or like the same things, but doesn't make you any less interesting. Doesn't make you any less unique.

Shouldn't make you less happy, either.

[He stared at her for a moment, then finally, the look of wide eyed shock eased and he dipped his head.]

I don't know why we were made siblings for those memories... but... even if they're not real, you were a wonderful sister that I was lucky to have. I wish I'd met you before, at any point.

[They're touching words and he reminds her why she came here in the first place.

Sometimes, bad things happen to people and they make mistakes. That's the sort of thing, she's seeing right now with Nagato.

Her hand settles gently on his shoulder. To show she feels the same.]

Well, we've met now. So we can make the most of it here.

[That drew his gaze back to her, a smile coming to his lips as he took a deep breath, inclining his head gravely.]

You're right, of course. There is nothing to do but move forward. I hope that some day we can be truly close.

[Like a brother and sister. She returns the smile a little, but not the sentiment since she's still not sure how to feel.

At least she can offer her ear and maybe he'll change her mind.]

I should get going. I've got a couple of boys to feed.

... Thanks for talking to me, Nagato.

[The smile faltered a little, then he gave a sharp nod.]

Of course, Kushina. I shouldn't keep you...

But feel free to come back any time.

[She stands from the couch and then moves to the door pull her shoes back on, pausing at pulling it open.]

I'll come back. I don't know when but I will. Okay?

But could you tell Konan I said hi?

[He got to his feet, suddenly awkward as he watched her prepare to leave... so all he did was nod, giving her a lopsided smile.]

Of course. Then... I guess I'll see you.

Thanks.

[Here, is one more genuine. But pretty lopsided, too.]

See you.

[And she's off!]

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a few days after luceti valley; action

Action forever

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I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS MONSTER TAG

SO BIG AND BEAUTIFUL

WELL I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT THEN!

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